Use of language

Use of language

‘Language is not neutral; it is loaded with meaning. It communicates to others how we as individuals, and as representatives of an organisation, interpret, evaluate, and make sense. Being aware of the language we choose and the way in which we use it can be critical in determining whose view of ‘reality’ we are accepting, what power relations we wish to reinforce, what kind of world we wish to adopt, and the type of social work we wish to create.’ (Hawkins, 2001)

The language we use to describe domestic and family violence, both spoken and written, can conceal, share, minimise or relieve the person using violence of responsibility and it can blame the victim or make her mutually responsible for the violence. Alternatively, choose words to hold people who use violence to account for their behaviour choices and recognise those who are hurt by it (Curijo).

Be clear about what is violence and who is responsible

When talking about and documenting domestic and family violence, be clear about exactly what violence and abuse is occurring, and who is responsible for it. 

• Use behaviourally specific descriptions which reflect the deliberate and patterned nature of violence and abuse as observed or reported. 
• Avoid words such as ‘fight’ and ‘argument’ which mutualise violence or suggest consent.
• Avoid phrases such as ‘the parents’ relationship is characterised by domestic violence’ as this fails to identify who is using violence and who is being hurt by it. 

Keep the acts of violence and the identity of the person who uses violence apparent in conversations and in documentation (Curijo).

Use specific, behaviourally focussed language 

When writing or speaking about violence, use words to clearly express who is doing what and how. Avoid mutualising language that makes women seem complicit in the abuse.

Example statements on violence

Here is one example of documentation written two ways. The first demonstrates the preferred writing style, the second demonstrates problematic language in use. 

The language used in this example: 

• makes it clear Magda and Martin are in a relationship and live together in a home with one child
• reports on a pattern of violence where Martin severely injures Magda
• details the way Martin has hurt Magda in this latest incident
• describes the injury Magda sustained because of Martin’s violence
• keeps Martin as the focus when reporting on violence— ‘Martin pulled Magda’s hair’
• explores some of the direct and indirect protective actions that Magda takes for Maya
• documents Martin as responsible for his use of violence against Magda.

The language is problematic because it: 

• makes the person using violence invisible – his name is not used once
• implies Magda is partly responsible for the violence perpetrated against her
• lacks detail on who hurt Magda and how she was hurt
• lacks detail on the effect the violence has on Magda and her child
• reports a single incident with no mention of where this fits within a pattern of violence
• focuses on Magda with no mention of who is using violence. 

Verbal language

Make efforts to speak with the person experiencing violence first and separately to the person using violence. Ask non-judgemental questions about the specifics of the person using violence’s behaviours. For example, ‘what does it look like when he gets angry or is unhappy? What does he do? What does he say? How does that impact you? How does that impact your child?’ (Safe and Together Institute). 

Prepare your approach to use non-blaming statements: 

Non-blaming questions and conversation starters 

• Tell me about a time when you were able to keep children safe when he was assaulting you?
• When you see him escalating what do you do to try to protect yourself and the kids?
• What have you noticed about his pattern of violence? What seem to be the triggers for his violence?
• I note that you had attempted to leave before, what happened?
• We are worried that you and the kids are not safe, what can we do to help keep you safe?
• Tell me about when he returned to the house?
• Are there times when he is not violent? What does your relationship look like during these times?
• Has your partner interfered with you trying to leave or stay away?
• Tell me who’s living here with you and the children?
• Tell me about a time that you were able to call the police?
• How did he interfere with you seeking help for you and the children?
• What sorts of things does he do to interfere with you seeking help and support?
• We can see that you have tried to keep the kids safe, has anyone ever explained options for support?
• I am going to need to talk to him as part of the assessment. I want to make sure that’s safe for you and and the children, so can we talk about how to do that?
• Tell me about your finances? Who makes the decisions about family finances? Do you have any spending money of your own?
• Tell me how the children are going at school. What roles does he play in the children’s day to day schooling? 
• Were there any strategies you found useful from counselling?
• I am concerned his behaviours are continuing to harm the children.
• Did you make a choice to have another baby with your partner, was it a mutual decision?

Recording the child’s exposure

Exposure to domestic and family violence means ‘living with’ domestic and family violence and occurs in a variety of ways. When recording exposure to domestic and family violence for a child, use language to explicitly describe the child’s experience of the violence, and then consider acute and chronic impacts on the child’s wellbeing both now and throughout the child’s lifetime. 

The following table presents Holden’s categorisation of the types of exposure, a construct far more complex than simply observing or overhearing violence (Holden). In these examples replace the phrase in brackets with a specific description of the behaviours attributed to the domestic and family violence.